L said yes to Haf Jap, so i guess it's official now. I have to admit, a small part of me was sad and my heart skipped a beat, but there was really no other way. They seem really happy together, and i hav azur with me...Is she more than i deserve?
We'll be celebrating her birthday later, i hope everything goes well. Lunch at delifranc, movie at vivcity (51 Bucks!!) and dinner at swens. I got her a necklace and earrings, with L's help :)
I guess my biggest fear is looking deep within myself and finding nothing but a well of dissatisfaction. The fear of being inadequate, of finding inadequacy in others. To be truly grateful, syukur, that is one of my greatest wishes. A fine line exists between the drive to succeed, and the desperation of never stopping. That wisdom is not mine yet.
Can it ever be?
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Tropical Paradise
Well, i'm back from my holiday in Tiom, spent 3 fun days there, with 8 of my teammates.
Recording their names/acronyms or is that initialisms (?) for posterity : Shaz, S.F, Izza, W, L, Sye, Aidi and N Sup.
We went snorkelling, with me jabbering "fishies, fishies!!" like some idiot hahaha. The 2nd stop on the snorkelling trip was excellent. Water conditions were not optimal, but plenty of colourful creatures to see nonetheless. Especially the school of filefish, i think that's what they were called.
Before that was the trek to the freaking cold waterfall. Splashed around in the water like babies, shivering away... But not before we spent 45 minutes in a futile effort to find a better spot.
Higher, Colder!!! :p
Played games late at night, 'chop chili chop' and what-not. Sharing secrets with the rest, all in good fun.
Personally, the highlight for me was the time spent with L (who else)
On the bus and in bed, heheh. At least now i know, that she actually had me in consideration, and that it wasn't all in my head :p
Cuma lambat setapak dok... Anyway, we spent many close/intimate moments together. The massage late at night was nice, and sensual, for me anyway :)
How often do you get to give a massage to a pretty lady? And in that moment i could have kissed her, which i didnt. And the next night we slept in the same bed, which is certainly a new experience for me... Izza found us in bed the next morning hahaha
Well, i hope no-one else finds out about it, especially azur :p
But this trip has been really great, now that i can end the process of letting go of L, and really focusing on my relationship with azur. Plus i think L is gonna say yes to Haf Jap. Good for her. She made him wait 6 bloody months, my bad.
But but but why dwell on all that? It's azur's birthday today, and i hope she loves my gifts, hopefully, she loves me more than them heheh.
On another note, i finally applied for driving, with L hahaha. Watch out roads, here i come!
Recording their names/acronyms or is that initialisms (?) for posterity : Shaz, S.F, Izza, W, L, Sye, Aidi and N Sup.
We went snorkelling, with me jabbering "fishies, fishies!!" like some idiot hahaha. The 2nd stop on the snorkelling trip was excellent. Water conditions were not optimal, but plenty of colourful creatures to see nonetheless. Especially the school of filefish, i think that's what they were called.
Before that was the trek to the freaking cold waterfall. Splashed around in the water like babies, shivering away... But not before we spent 45 minutes in a futile effort to find a better spot.
Higher, Colder!!! :p
Played games late at night, 'chop chili chop' and what-not. Sharing secrets with the rest, all in good fun.
Personally, the highlight for me was the time spent with L (who else)
On the bus and in bed, heheh. At least now i know, that she actually had me in consideration, and that it wasn't all in my head :p
Cuma lambat setapak dok... Anyway, we spent many close/intimate moments together. The massage late at night was nice, and sensual, for me anyway :)
How often do you get to give a massage to a pretty lady? And in that moment i could have kissed her, which i didnt. And the next night we slept in the same bed, which is certainly a new experience for me... Izza found us in bed the next morning hahaha
Well, i hope no-one else finds out about it, especially azur :p
But this trip has been really great, now that i can end the process of letting go of L, and really focusing on my relationship with azur. Plus i think L is gonna say yes to Haf Jap. Good for her. She made him wait 6 bloody months, my bad.
But but but why dwell on all that? It's azur's birthday today, and i hope she loves my gifts, hopefully, she loves me more than them heheh.
On another note, i finally applied for driving, with L hahaha. Watch out roads, here i come!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Handover
It's done, im no longer the president, blessed relief :)
But H is damned pissed at me. Why, i have no idea. I didnt even give her the gift...which hurts me more than i care to admit :p
Anyway, spent the day at the island beach, damn fun. i expected more people to come, but beggars cant be choosers. Played many game, beat some guys at beach soccer, pretty damn good, i have to say...
Then berendam in the water with 4 ladies, how often do u get to do that? hahaha
Chatted about a lot of stuff, relationships etc. With L, Sya, Hali and N Sup. And L is definitely more affectionate nowadays, esp when we were grocery shopping the previous day. Even Hali and N Sup thought we had something going on :p
Oh well...
Had a street soccer tourney today at ghi mo. lost in the quarters, played only 2 games, cos 2 blardy teams in our group didnt turn up. And i scored 3 goals!!! (1 deflected in heh)
But we lost in the quarters, to a bunch of kids. But damn, they were freaking fast...
Watched a movie with azur, Zo and kami. The latest HP movie. Not bad, pretty dark, but i kinda preferred the previous one. Sent azur home, spent a few intimate moments... I gotta watch my expenditure, cash is running dangerously low again, and i still have 3 things to spend on. 2 holiday trips, and azurs bdae...
Meh
But H is damned pissed at me. Why, i have no idea. I didnt even give her the gift...which hurts me more than i care to admit :p
Anyway, spent the day at the island beach, damn fun. i expected more people to come, but beggars cant be choosers. Played many game, beat some guys at beach soccer, pretty damn good, i have to say...
Then berendam in the water with 4 ladies, how often do u get to do that? hahaha
Chatted about a lot of stuff, relationships etc. With L, Sya, Hali and N Sup. And L is definitely more affectionate nowadays, esp when we were grocery shopping the previous day. Even Hali and N Sup thought we had something going on :p
Oh well...
Had a street soccer tourney today at ghi mo. lost in the quarters, played only 2 games, cos 2 blardy teams in our group didnt turn up. And i scored 3 goals!!! (1 deflected in heh)
But we lost in the quarters, to a bunch of kids. But damn, they were freaking fast...
Watched a movie with azur, Zo and kami. The latest HP movie. Not bad, pretty dark, but i kinda preferred the previous one. Sent azur home, spent a few intimate moments... I gotta watch my expenditure, cash is running dangerously low again, and i still have 3 things to spend on. 2 holiday trips, and azurs bdae...
Meh
Monday, July 9, 2007
070707
She said yes :)
Please don't let me screw this up.
Oh and i got silver. Pretty damn good methinks.
Please don't let me screw this up.
Oh and i got silver. Pretty damn good methinks.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Torn
I'm torn...
I have almost everything that i have ever wished for. So why am i torn between the two of them?
Why is it so hard to choose? Am i forever doomed into believing that the grass is greener on the other side? That there is always someone better around the corner? Two wonderful women, and i don't deserve either one...
Why am i torn? Because the prize is sweeter when the struggle is bitter?
God knows
I have almost everything that i have ever wished for. So why am i torn between the two of them?
Why is it so hard to choose? Am i forever doomed into believing that the grass is greener on the other side? That there is always someone better around the corner? Two wonderful women, and i don't deserve either one...
Why am i torn? Because the prize is sweeter when the struggle is bitter?
God knows
Monday, July 2, 2007
Finals
I'm in the finals!!! And i can almost smell the silver/gold medal...I played like crap, but im injury-free and victorious, so im thankful.
Anyway, Azur accompanied me all the way to bedok, so does that make us semi-official? I enjoy her company, and it seems she feels the same way too :)
But I had to make a choice the nite before, cos both L and Azur wanted to accompany me to bedok, wth? It was tough, but i know who i chose...a sign of things to come?
But but but, i went home with L after the whole thing, tsk tsk. Apparently she knew abt me and F A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO!! And kept her pretty mouth shut :p
Ahh, had a soccer game, won 2-0, Li and MN scored, fabulous...
On friday, we had an outing, ate at bukit timah, western food, then lepak-ed in town, finishing off at JEC with the jurong gang.
Spent time with L, as always. it's way more than a physical attraction... I enjoy sharing my views with her, and we have a lot of things in common. And F was behaving weirdly towards me...but everything seems ok-ish now.
1 more game!!
Anyway, Azur accompanied me all the way to bedok, so does that make us semi-official? I enjoy her company, and it seems she feels the same way too :)
But I had to make a choice the nite before, cos both L and Azur wanted to accompany me to bedok, wth? It was tough, but i know who i chose...a sign of things to come?
But but but, i went home with L after the whole thing, tsk tsk. Apparently she knew abt me and F A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO!! And kept her pretty mouth shut :p
Ahh, had a soccer game, won 2-0, Li and MN scored, fabulous...
On friday, we had an outing, ate at bukit timah, western food, then lepak-ed in town, finishing off at JEC with the jurong gang.
Spent time with L, as always. it's way more than a physical attraction... I enjoy sharing my views with her, and we have a lot of things in common. And F was behaving weirdly towards me...but everything seems ok-ish now.
1 more game!!
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