New Beginning

Well, it's over between me and azur.

Had to happen i guess... Tried to keep it going for as long as i could, pretending that everything was fine, when it clearly wasn't.
She's angry, and bitter, and I certainly don't blame her.

I kept everything inside, convincing myself that the doubts would pass; that they were just the trials one would face before marriage.
But it got so bad that i solat isytihara, and though the signs weren't clear, my heart decided to break it off.

Dear reader, it wasn't a decision that i took lightly. 3 years together, and to throw it all away, and for what? There wasn't another girl waiting for me, might never be.

Maybe i'm just rationalizing, but i truly feel that she'll be better off without me. And i might be happier with someone else.
Truth be told, i wasn't totally happy in the relationship. Too many conflicts, nagging doubts that we were too different.
I just couldn't see us spending the rest of our lives and eternity together.
I broke her heart, and her family's too. And that is something i have to live with...

The terrible thing was that she had no idea. I didn't want to tell her earlier, as i knew she'd try to talk me out of it. I am easily swayed by her tears, and i just couldn't give in. Not this time.

I just hope that someday she and her family might find it in their hearts to forgive me.

Goodbye my dearest buchuk, and may Allah bless you in this life and in the hereafter.

To a brave new world then...